So, I recently have been contacted by several people, who suddenly for some reason have decided that I am someone that they seriously want to date - or marry. What? So, they pursue me in this long-term relationship and I am just left confused. I'm not supposed to date anyone else, just supposed to accept it. This is the most irritating to me personally because I hate dealing with it. I don't want to reject a friend or hurt anyone. I don't like to do it. I don't want to send the guy who just had his heart broken into an unrelenting spiral.
However, I must think to myself as I write this even: Where were you for the last six, twelve, even twenty-four months ago? You never talk to me, write me, text me, even Facebook me or anything. In fact some of them have ignored me purposely when I've mailed them and then suddenly I am this person that they most want in the entire world. Really? You haven't even seen me for over a year and now that you are ready I should be ready and not only that but I should be ready for everything and it should be with you. What?
One guy took me on a date, a single date. I have not seen him for years. He takes me on one date and then he starts talking about our "relationship? Huh? Where was I when this relationship manifested? Do you think you're the only one in the world that I'm dating? You don't think I've dated anyone else since I saw you three years ago? Also, this same guy would not drop me off after the date. That was really hard, but I am nice. It took me a while, but I finally had to be firm and say, "Ok. You're going to drop me off here." Otherwise he'd have hung out at my house all night. And come on. I'm busy. I got lots of stuff to do, had to meet someone to rent my place and everything . . .
And the ex. Okay. I really used to like this guy a lot - and I mean I was really into him. I thought he was amazing back in the days. I did. However, that was short lived and for good reason. At the time I was fresh from my split. I admit I was needy. I needed validation and this guy really stepped up to that, so in that way he was helpful. However, he fought me at every turn as far as meeting me half way and/or even showing up on time. His job is a factor, but still, he could have taken me out more, and maybe done more things for me. He did some things, but didn't really make me a priority.
Anyway, back when I dated him years ago . . Right before Christmas I had to put down my kitty, Precious. I was heartbroken. I was sad. I called him for support. I had my kitty for over 14 years and this guy . . . he wouldn't give me a ride to the vet and help to support me in it. Ok. A major point in my life where I was lonely, alone and sad and he wouldn't even help me, because we were "not serious enough" yet. Really? I dumped him right there over the phone and until now I'd not heard from him.
And now? He found out I'm single again. I have had texts, pics, declarations . . . . Ugh.
"I want to see you. I miss you. Send me pics. Oh, you look great! I can't wait to see you," . . . etc. All from this person that couldn't even bother to take me to the vet when I most needed him. I thought about it. I did. I've been thinking about it for a while, because I did really have a thing for him at one point - or maybe I didn't and I was just rebounding? I don't know that for sure, but I just can't do it. I can't even see him. I tried, but I just can not get over the pain of what he did to me so long ago. That behavior, although he regrets it, can not be overlooked. It does not reflect the kind of person that I want to be with. So deep in my heart he cut a piece out and I never really got it back. I healed, but that part of my heart is just not accessible to him now. This is exactly the reason why I am no longer in my marriage. Women need support. We need it to be obvious. We need someone who will be there, physically and emotionally. Sometimes we need someone to actually hold our hand. I don't believe this is purely a female thing. Men need this too. They are just more trained to "suck it up" than we are. That is what a relationship is for though. That's what it's supposed to be. You're supposed to be a team and help each other through life. Right?
And why would I settle for less than my ideal anyway? Why would I do that ever again? I have met some wonderful, very kind and thoughtful men, and I'm just not sure I could go back to dating someone that isn't thoughtful. I would not settle for a neglectful person, no matter how cool they seem on paper. So, wish me luck in all the rejections I will have to do this week. Ugh. And do not pity me. I'm single and dating, but I don't wish it on anyone. I don't.
If you find something good hold onto it, but always look for more, unless it's your ideal. Don't settle. It's really not worth it and in the end you pay so much more in heartache and time wasted. Don't settle.